St. Marks Evangelical Lutheran Church​

Good People,

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While I was on my retreat last month, I went determined that I would give my phone to my spiritual director so that I would not be able to look up a book on my phone and read it. I learned long ago that the purpose of a silent retreat is to quiet every voice but God’s so that, perhaps, I might be able to hear God speak without words. I came prepared with a watch because normally my phone is my watch. I wanted to know when to get up, when to go to worship, and, most importantly, when to go to eat!

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But, the moment I gave my phone into my spiritual director’s keeping, my watch quit working. So, for 24 hours I had to walk 100 feet down the hall to determine the time. When I woke up in the night was it because it was a middle-of-the-night-bathroom-time again, or was it the end of my need to sleep?

Fortunately, my spiritual director was able to give me an extra clock to put in my room so that I might regulate my day. But that day of timelessness got me meditating on how much I use clock time to determine my schedule and how much I fuss over the amount of time I spend on any task. One of the challenges of being a pastor is that not being on a timeclock means that I must determine when I work, what I work at, and for how long. I even painted my obsession with breaking my time into chunks:

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So, while looking at this painting I wrote in my journal these Questions for Reflection:

• Is this the best use of my time?

• How could I be using the time better?

• In what way could I be better?

• What must I/should I be doing to get better?

• Am I wasting time?

• Have I used the time to the best of my ability?

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Then, picking up a different color pen, I wrote:

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Doug,

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These  are the questions that you constantly ask yourself. They do not come from me. Your evaluation of the fruitfulness of your use of time is never a question from me. I tell you, and I have told you, DO NOT JUDGE. You don't know. You cannot know how your use of time will benefit me, you, or others.

All of this weighing, evaluating, and measuring is not from me

Your worth is not dependent upon how much you do. Your worth is entirely dependent upon me. I value you more than you realize, for my value is measured within infinity’s measuring cup. You are counting drops of water whereas I am seeing oceans.

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Your time on earth -  short or long - well used or frittered away -  is all my time. Every breath you breathe, and every beat of your heart is my instant gift to you. When the day comes and I still your heart and pull your breath fully back into me, your time does not end but it merely transforms into Infinity time.

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Be still. Rest. Play.

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STOP COUNTING.

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Your counting is stealing your life, not your striving to get better. Better is a “should” word.  It will become, and is for you, a weight I never intended for you to carry. My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

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Be still. Strive not. Be.

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You are fully and forever loved,

Jesus

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As December unfolds with its remembrance of the time of the birth of Jesus, and as it is frequently a frantic time, I invite you to consider your own connection with time, and Jesus’ presence in it.

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Peace be with you all,

Pastor Doug